5 August 2009 Wednesday
For all the things God is trying to teach me, it is patience that I struggle the most. Well I also have ego and pride, but with the daily routine that I have, I always play a tug of war with Patience.
Lord, make me prudent. I want to be prudent. ‘A-a, not unless you’re patient’, God says. So everyday I try I dive into traffic, long queues, and long hours of work. Sigh!
Christ is more concern with our holiness than our happiness. Should this mean that God does not want us to be happy? “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. – Matthew 6:33” Ugh! I’ve heard that before, but what does that really mean?
For a time, I thought God is a punishing God. I thought that I will never be good enough for Him; that there are standards I will always have to follow to gain His love and mercy for my life. So for the longest time, I was wrong.
To my closest friends and the people I minister to, they already think I am patient. But for people I constantly work with everyday, I could be quite a spoiled brat. I get snappy and rough with my words especially when miscommunication comes in the way of work. ‘Stress at work’ is my usual alibi when I find myself impatient in a certain situation. I get so inconsistent with my actions and prayers that I find myself confuse.
“28Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. - Matthew 11:28-29” So there it is. Praying about your concerns is one thing. For sure God is listening. But it is another thing when you let go and let God. I pray, but I still hold a grudge. I pray but I don’t let God’s compassion and understanding transcend my heart. As I reflect more, I realize there is more. I have realized that I need to trust and have faith that God works for the good even if, in my vantage point it does not seem so. Clarity strikes once wisdom builds; and though we might not have the wisdom and knowledge of what the future will be, we always have trust to begin with. The characters of Christ are all intertwined. It is all connected, and we should beware that confusion is always an enemy ready to shoot lies; to destroy the beauty that God has created: nature, people, relationships, and the heart. So in order to avoid getting lost and disconnected, to be patient, as I ought to be, I must depend on The One, who is the wellspring of patience, love, and kindness. My Savior, my Lord, Jesus. :-)
“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Now I see. God is concern with my career. God is concern with my relationships more than I do. God is concern with my heart. My concerns are His. My desires are His. And He is patient enough to wait on me, as I slowly let go my worldly and selfish desires. :-) Gracious is our God. :-)
